Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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