i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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