I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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