Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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