You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
