remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
