yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
