i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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