Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
