Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
