He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
