My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
