xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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