I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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