So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
