i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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