I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
