just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
