I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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