Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
