I hate all girls vehemently.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
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I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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