Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
