Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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