I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Randomize
