he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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