I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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