I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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