i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
