well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
