Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
