Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
