we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
