can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
