How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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