If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
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he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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