Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
