remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
