this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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