Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
