tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
