Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
