remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
