Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize