Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
