I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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