Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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