Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
