I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
