My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
