It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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