hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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