is your mom at the bar?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
