Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
