dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
