She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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