# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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