did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
