my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
