I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize