so explain again why im purple
no
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
