According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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