And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
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Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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